盛|Dickson ~ My Solemn Promise

Bro, this song is for you.

Iris by Goo Goo Dolls

And I’d give up forever to touch you
‘Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
‘Cause sooner or later it’s over
I just don’t want to miss you tonight

And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you’re alive

And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

Old friends

Good to meet some old friends during holidays, although it wasn’t well arranged, but i’m thankful for having that time.

PPMS

Dear friends, i’m thankful for all those necessary misunderstandings at the beginning that in the end bonded us together. Although things weren’t going the way we planned for, but i profusely appreciate all the helps which were contributed by all of us. I will never forget you guys!

I was kinda hurt when i found that people viewed me as a guy with hidden ego agenda and misjudged me. Whatever is it, i just wish to declare clearly that i wasn’t planning to add some destructive obstructions. It was for the sake of new students or our Uni.

A really good experience for me to being exposed to such activity. I learnt a lot from there… Get to know something new.

Culture / weakness

It’s hard to deny that we usually clarify some of our weaknesses as our culture. "Last minute work is our culture" - weakness of EPCOM back then. Understand the definition of culture - the arts, customs, and institutions of a nation, people, or group.

Spending some time to think.. emm.. actually if we assume our bad habits as our culture, it will be very good. Try to think, if we late to lecture, when lecturer scold you for being late, we just have to answer "This is my culture, we must respect our culture! That’s our root!" hahaha..

I feel so fed up with myself sometimes, it’s kinda hard to make a change to myself, i mean overcome my weakness. And i also feel very fed up with people who treat their weaknesses as their culture that make them take their weaknesses as excuses.

Please make yourself clear with it. Is it really culture? Or bad habits?

Sem break

It ended like a flash, another sem has just started. Hard to believe..haiz, reluctant to say "study liao". Did i really fully utilize the time? Or did i waste time on unnecessary things? I wish i was given more time to stay …

It has been 3 weeks that i worked in Jusco. The job is quite Ok to me, i’m thankful that they hired me regardless of i can only work for 1 month, furthermore, the salary is quite reasonable. Thanks to my beloved, she found the job from her friend. Really lack of experience in this field, but seriously.. I learned a lot from there. Alhough sometimes i have to stand there, watching the invisible time pass by.. making me feel a bit unsastify because time has been wasted. Imagine, i could spend the time for doing other things. Hm.. however, i usually convinced myself: "arh.. another hour gone, another income, yeah.."

The days were filled with daily routine stuffs, very sian too.. But what to do? I wanted to save the income for next sem. Wanna decrease the burden that i’ve given to my parents. Somemore, now petrol’s price increase 0.78 cents pula, that’s ridiculous.

I don’t know why people will mistaken that i’m a kid from rich family. The permanent worker at Jusco asked me: "Have you work before?" May be he felt that i’m a well-protected kid in my family. It’s true, as my parents really sayang me, they never ask me not to be a spendthrift. But thank God that i was born with this personality - know to save money. I still remember when i was std 4, i saved about RM 100+ to buy a Gameboy. The RM 100+ were coins and banknotes. My dad saw that i was hardworking for it and at the right timing, i did well in exam. My dad baught the Gameboy using his own money.

Through my observation, i found that..ya, i like to save money and didn’t often spend it. But, once i’ve decided to spend, probably the figure will be high. Therefore i didn’t save much after all. Thing is different now, i wish i can save more, because in next sem, ptptn loan won’t provide much $ to me, I need to be prepared. Of cause, i’ll save some to buy a pair of new shoes. My sport shoes is very chan now, at its worse condition, both left & right have been ‘crocodile’ once, hahaha..

I’m not a rich kid, i wasn’t anyway. I know some people viewed me in this way, other than my ‘overprotected’ appearance, may be i own a bulky phone, pda, laptop, car. All these i guess..that made you think that i’m rich. Except car, the rest i baught by using my own saving money. I’m not trying to share with you about my achievements. Even now, i work in Jusco is not because of wanted to earn money and buy new stuffs. Again, it is because i wanted to save some $ for next sem.. Other than that, i don’t wish to give my parents bad testimony and also don’t want to waste time. Ya..i know.. good testimony can be given in many ways, and it’s our decision on how to fully utilise the time. In short, it’s just not appropriate for me, my mom kept asking me to work, somemore, my parents’ burden need to be lowered down. I can’t help them much, but i must do what i can do at least..

Boys, sorry that i couldn’t spend much time with you. I miss you all.

Bros, i’m sorry that i dissapointed you with my decision. I’ll try my best to do my part for Him.

God is amazing, i met my old sch friend at jusco last week, quite a time that we didn’t meet each other, we went to sch and went home together back then in secondary school.. I felt hard to believe when thinking back the old days..

i met a BB boy few days ago, i felt good that i was given such meeting. And I met Chuan Yong yesterday, it has been long time that we didn’t contact each other, i wanted to contact him for so long, blame my less initiative attitude. Haiz. The meeting was unexpected, i felt glad.. Althogh we chatted for less than 20 mins..

God knows what i need, i summit problems to Him, He listens. Even i didn’t, He knows my need. Getting the job which i’m not supposed to, meeting those i wished to meet…

In our lives, there are so many coincidence things happen. Sometimes we clarify it as ‘coincidence’. Have we ever thought of where’s the origin of ‘coincidence’?

Ever since i leaved penang for my further study, there’s plenty of ‘coincidence’ things happened around me, i felt "it’s too hard to believe". And i can hardly denied it.. I thought: "Could it be so coincidence?"

His blessing is so visible.. there’s always a sign from Him if we seek him.

"Don’t be unbelieving, but believing." (John 20:27)

" Beyond the horizon of the place we lived when we were young
  In a world of magnets and miracles
  Our thoughts strayed constantly and without boundary
  The ringing of the division bell had begun "      

I love this song, it gives me a familiar feeling.. The lyrics was written by David Gilmour from Pink Floyd, titled ‘High Hopes’. The song signifies the story of this band. So many dreams and wishes.. Just like the way we have gone through, dreams and visions were once ignited, but some were vanished too. "Division bell had begun", people comes and goes.      

In the chorus, 

"The grass was greener
The light was brighter
The taste was sweeter
The nights of wonder "

Indeed, it’s transmiting the message that everything in the past was better. The song..end with a guitar solo which embeded with emptiness feeling.. The band owned lots of fame in their career, but seems like their achievements didn’t bring much joy..   

Looking back our days, we might have been very success in any fields. But, in the end, we only get to know that we’ve focused and worked hard on the ‘unnecessary’ things so much. Ambitious because of wanted to comfirm the identity, gaining the grand prestige and… Somehow, we will realise a well-known phrase "Everything you want, it’s not everything you need"

Few decades later, a cover version of this song was sang by another band - Nightwish. Still, the song fades with a sense of disastifaction.

Emptiness..unhapiness..lifeless

In the second verse

" Encumbered forever by desire and ambition
There’s a hunger still unsatisfied "

Hunger? That’s the void in us, an endless space that will never be sastisfied, it seems like all of us are seriously hunting for wealth, power and strength like blind people. It is a deadly disease spreading among us, including me, was affected with it. Strong temptation, weak repulsion.

I still remember few weeks ago, i was sitting in library, after spending some time for doing revision, and kinda exhausted. So i rest for a while.. and i falled into this illussion - my past. I kept thinking back the old times, and wondering how’s everyone right now? What are they doing now? Did i forgot about everyone? The lost contact friends? Those friends only meet few times a year? Or have i been forgotten? When i was thinking of this, consecutively, i mumbling there.. and i told my friend: " I miss the old time so much.." And he replied: " Yes, me too "

I continued: " Seems like the longest distance among us.. are not the physical distance, but the barriers - dreams, ambitions, and desires.. " At that same time, i felt like everyone is so selfish including me, but it’s choiceless for us to face this reality. Friend arrives, friend departs. It happens everyday..

To be honest, i blamed myself sometimes, for being cruel in my friendship, i don’t think i have done my best. I know there are people shared with me that we can’t expect too much on our responsibilities as a friend. Two years ago, i wrote a blog here, i stated that we should never think of how many sincere friend we have, instead, we should think whether we have been a real friend to our friends. Again, to me, i won’t think i’m a good friend enough to anyone if i found that i didn’t fulfill the responsibility as a friend. Somehow..this could be wrong perception..

We have been racing so hard to notched our dreams, our ambitions. Always coping with the emptiness while the race still on.. that’s what i realised. I feel so tired sometimes, possessions? Ambtitions? Dreams? Prestige? Do you think we really need that? Often stray from the narrow path? Seems like most of us set our eyes to Sodom more than Zion.

I miss the time really much.. when i was still a high school kid..

Susu, still remember the time when we stayed back after school for BB stuffs? I will never forget it. It’s part of my memory.      

Ah-Jeen, still remember this Cross was curved by you? I still remember this is your masterpiece. Man, the Cross is still there today. hahaha..          

Tatt, Hun Keong and yee yong, today NCOs seldom use here to do discussion anymore… I wish you guys are doing well in your study!                      

Wei Xin and Ah kang, the toilet hasn’t change a lot. You guys have contributed lots of strength during those days. Both of you change a lot too, Ah kang become fit and handsome now.. haha. Wei Xin is the head of B07 now. I wish both of you are doing well.                  

Doony, you were here to count the attendance and handling human problems few years ago. Wei Heng & Beng Kooi, you were there too..busy counting the attendance, hoping it will raise or maintain at least.. Now the place no longer look the same, not even same as this picture. But i can still smell the memories there…            

Jack, gay lou, Kai Tit and ah zhian, still remember that we used to chating and mumbling around here? James, Choon sian, Yiaw Joe, Wei Yi, Ming Qiao, sheng wei, Siong Keat and Chuan Yong, still remember we were sweating and chating together here after few rounds of basketball? Seems like many of us like to stick together here…hahaha                

John, i still remember we were here to do cleanliness together when lower 6? Age didn’t stopped us to serve… Thanks for listening to my sharing while i was fetching you home after school.               

Kim Loon, Jia Xiong, chuan wei and choong hoe. Your passion on Drill will always be remembered. The time we spent together, i cherish… Our stories could had begun with the boots…            

Those days were great… but i think i didn’t fully appreciate it back then. We often feel regret, because we always take things for granted, and never thought of how sweet the memory could be. Like the lyrics                        

" Looking beyond the embers of bridges glowing behind us
  To a glimpse of how green it was on the other side "            

Men, i’ll always remember you no matter how far we have been separated. Although i know our desires and dreams will never satisfy us, but I still hope you will achieve your dream, your hope in the time to come.. yeah.       

Hopefully, in the end…we can meet up at a place like what the chorus says, the place where grass is greener, light is brighter, and taste is sweeter…         

May God bless you all, my friends. :-)                

" But whosever drinketh of the water that i shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that i shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life. " (KJV John 4:14) 

p.s: i’ve had the intention to write this blog for so long, but words really can’t sum up my feeling.

It has been long time that i didn’t update my blog, i was searching for a time to do so. However, it was searchingless. Tests were coming in consecutively, reports and assignments, and moderate contributions from ‘neighbours’ - mr ma, end up i have to modify the group report. Blogging? that’s my lowest priority. I haven’t finish reading Day watch which i have bought from Borders since CNY, not even NIght Watch which Sier lend to me.

Those tests were quite ok, just sometimes when i wish it to be more standard, it came with a moderate difficulty test (Not being proud), and vice-versa. Especially the eng. chem. lab test, i started to read it at 12.30am, less than half hour before went to sleep, because i was too tired. In the next morning.. opps… i should read more.. arh. Luckily, i did the discussion part for the reports most of the time in this sem, at least can recap back a bit about the thingys that involved in the experiments.

Few days ago, i just got one presentation, a really laousy one. We did prepared it well, but when my turn to present, the short clip on my slides were facing some resolution unmatched, causing it cannot be played. Luckily, i managed to overcome it without the short clips. You can have a perfect planning, but there’s no perfect execution, i still remeber it sir. Eric, thanks for spending time to design those slides, the contribution meant lots to us, although the presentation was short. Ah hooi, nice to be the actor together with you. Man, you have the talent! And Alex, thanks for didn’t making empty promise "This one ar, very easy nia eh" Hahaha.. joking joking.

Actually, there were fun times in my uni also in the past few weeks, with bunch of cheeky coursemates, we had our entertainment too, whether Gelimat, lame voting, sending coursemate recent news with photo as attachment, and….many more. Thanks friends, for filling up my uni life with colours. When i am down, i know you guys were there for me. I know sometimes my words are too direct, and hot-temperd.. i apologize for that. I know my weaknesses, i still need to improve myself.

Few months have passed in a blink of eyes, final exam up next. Still left C pro project, after that i can fully concentrate on doing revision. My head is still blank, still doubt how am i going to score in final. Of course, we all hope it will be better than the previous one, but my intuition telling me that this time will be difficult. Just hope i can get through it.

Each time i listen to The Element of One by killswitch engage, i will become emotional. Still.. i miss everyone so much. I wish there will be not devision. I miss you..

Nothing Else matters - by Metallica

(This is for you..)

So close no matter how far
couldn’t be much more from the heart
forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters

never opened myself this way
life is ours, we live it our way
all these words I don’t just say
and nothing else matters

trust I seek and I find in you
every day for us something new
open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters

never cared for what they do..
never cared for what they know..
but I know.

so close no matter how far
couldn’t be much more from the heart
forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters

Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas! I should have written this blog this afternoon, but blame it on my laziness. Perhaps i was too sian to write a blog here. 5 years have passed since i received the Greatest Gift - Christ. This year, Christmas was not much similar to the past few ones. Because this year, my soulmate were celebrating it with me, together in church, Happy~~ I was so glad that you came my dear..

Christmas, it is the birthday of Jesus, the man who died on cross to save us - the sinners. Many were celebrating X’mas more than Christmas. Let us not forget, He brings us joy and peace everyday. Santa claus can only distribte gifts during Christmas festival, not joy or peace. Christmas is the birthday of Christ, we should celebrate it with Him.

Have you watch ‘I Am Legend’, I strongly recomanded you to watch it.. The Christmas Movie, Not AvP 2. Remember, I Am Legend is a metaphor-movie, with symbolic terms, and.. Although not much metaphor to me,  with visible hidden meanings to me. Hmm, just don’t be hesistate to watch it if you haven’t.

The main character of the film, Robert Nevile, is the famous military virologist. His family members were killed in an accident just before the quarantine of the city was about to begun. After that, he live a solitude life in the city for 3 years together with his faithful dog, to continue to find out the Vaccine to the virus, so that he can save people from being infected, but also can return the mutants to normal people. During the 3 years, nobody in the city, except the mutants that suck blood under the protect of darkness, they were the neighbours to Robert. This man is intelligent, if i were Robert, i would rather find a way to bomb the entire city, and seek for new refuge. But this guy, with advance science knowledge, he has the potential to completely kill those insane. Funny, he never thought of that, he choose to save them than eliminate them. He has created unnecessary threat to himself.

After his loyal dog was killed.. It’s funny and sad feeling to me when he was talking to a lifeless plastic model, beggin her to say "hello" to him. No respond was made.. Could this reflect our lives? Sometimes, when we are lonely, sad and crying..No one’s there for us. I believe Robert Nevile have forgotten, there was a man with him.. God. Same thing to us, God is with us always no matter you believe Him or not, He was standing beside Robert and sad because He know Robert’s pain and loneliness, but He’s much saddened because Robert didn’t seek Him and talk to Him. 

There are many meaningful plots that we can see from the movie. There’s no point that i state it all here. And honestly, i’m a bit stim stim now.. aik koon.. Hahaha. After you have finished watching the movie, just ask yourself "What do you think of the main character - Robert Nevile?" At the same time, interpret the movie by yourself.

Remember, movie can be very meaningful if we really try to recognize the meaning of it. We shouldn’t only treat movie as entertainment.  When you have found the meaning, the more excited and nice the movie will be. Trust me.

Ok. I’ll stop at here. Wanna sleep now..woouh..ZZzz. Arhh.. New semester is coming.. Hopefully no nightmare tonight.

Fruitful days in the past 2 weeks! Life Game and then Youth Camp. I’ve learnt a lot from Life Game, especially i learned that i must agressively serve and praise God. Indeed, it’d made an impact in my life! Cheer and salute to the LIG ministry! I shall lift my hands up high and praise Him! People, if you haven’t been to Life Game, i would like to invite you to join it, it’s really a meaningful camp. If you wish to know how to unlock the code to eternity, you must join the camp! After Life Game, i started to prepare myself for Youth Camp, equipping myself with His words. It has been long time that i didn’t mix along with brothers and sisters from EPCOM and FOPCOM. Thanks God, for given me a chance to serve the youth. It’s a joy for me to see you guys in Youth Camp, it reminded me of when i was at the age like you people, i miss it so much. I hope through this camp, we can continue grow and become mature. Besides that, our relationship will become stronger. Wonderful days… However it was hammered by my exam result.. Not really satisfiy with it. In local Uni, ’study smart’ doesn’t mean the same method as when you’re in high school. You will know why when you study in local Uni. And you will know what’ve caused local Uni fell down in Top Uni Chart. Accept my critic..Aiks, bad habit of mine, Hm. Whatever it is, just treat it as a lesson.. I must not let it spoil my mood. Since Life Game, i’ve decide to lower down the desire to be ambitious, and set my eyes on Zion. I know it’s difficult for me. However i know this is the right decision. Like what John C.Maxwell said: "Make you decision early, maintain and manage it daily." I must try anyhow. I love the feeling when the wind in december approach me, it always give me the sense of hope, like i’ve been renewed. We’re almost reaching the edge of 2007. We shall start to evaluate ourselves now on what we’ve done in the past 12 months. Discover the reason and purpose for you to live. 

Unwelcome pressure, sources from those i love, distracting and reacting.. I made a monologue, in the gloomy parade. Infidel and betrayal, that’s what I’ve been portrayed.. Love and hate, bind in piece, how ironic.. Forever clings to it? The necessary misunderstanding? My heart was teased, painful and agony. Although fragile, but unbroken.. My tears droped.. When night approached. But warmed.. in His embrace. Narrow path, hard to crawl, but shall never frail, and never stray from His grace. Valiantly, i must sprint..On the path to eternity.

Wow, finally the time i have been waiting for has been notched. Lame exam has just finished… haiz, feel so fed up with it, don’t want to talk too much about it anymore. Wonderful sharing at Kangar Baptist church after exam, the sharing came at the right time to me, it lighted up my passion. I guess i have been kind of lost for the past 2 months, although attend church service as usual, perhaps something misled my spiritual life, i kept asking Him to grant me strength to be his ’salt’ in this place, but i guess i’m the ’salt’ which its savour keeps drying everyday. The sharing really shocked me and inspired me as well. I profusely thank Him for intentionally prepare this session for me.. It helps me. God’s work is really amazing, until a stage which you cannot convince yourself not to believe.

Drove back to Penang on Monday, first time the speed indicator pointed at 145km/j, but just for less than half minute, my mom will kill me if she knew this.

Penang’s air is polluted as usual, however it smells nice to me, may be missing it too much?

This few days keep spending time at home, play basketball with my bro in the early morning, eat breakfast together, play games together. Sometimes he will introduce me some funny videos from Youtube (Hokkien Star wars is quite funny. Hahaha) I need to learn to be more responsible to my family, i admit I’m not good at it. Hope to spend more time with my younger bro, he’s still a kid.

Oh ya! I kena a 30 bucks saman in hostel! Haiz.. Because our hostel was too messy, it is true. But, what I’m really beh syok is, it was that idiot who always throw mercun provoke the spotcheck. If not, I don’t think there will be a spotcheck. Stupid.. My 30 bucks gone like this.. It made me really angry that whole night. Mahasiswa… please la, is that a behavior of a University student? No wonder our Local U couldn’t reach top 200 universities chart. Kerajaan spend money for you to study well, but seems like you never appreciate it. Do you know that if you study in Private U, it will cost you much?

Met many new friends from my course too…just wanna thank you for being so friendly. See you folks in next sem.

Xze Xze, I like your punches so much..haha!

Old Birds and EPians, will see you guys soon!

Okayla, gtg. Lets countdown to Christmas!