盛|Dickson ~ My Solemn Promise

“Marching under the hot sun, bird ler.”

“Haiz, agar agar march should be ok liao la”

I took 3 mins to recall back the old memories.. oh i was rarely intend to compete with people. Perhaps, no confidence, no motivation, negative thinker, a stimer who just know to accept whatever that are infront of me regardless of i like or dislike.

It was when std 4, year that i joined sch band, the first time that i got involved in marching. Hm.. i was never fond of it at first as i really got no idea on what’s the purpose of it? A session for the commander to show his power? Or to release anger? Or a torturing session for us? To train us to become physically stronger by giving us pain and tireness? I don’t know..

I was once a percussion leader in primary, one of the commanders back then too. However, i really have not much on knowing what excatly marching is all about. May be all i know was, “Train everyone stronger mah, we need to march and play song ler, somemore all have to be done uniformly.”

My perspective on Marching or Drill begun to change when i was a sophomore in EPCOM Boys’ Brigade. From there, I knew.. there must be some reasons why a uniform body need to march.

When f3, in a Drill award course, Long sir taught us on what are the real purposes of having Drill: discipline, concentration, obedience, developing leadership, esprit-de-corps….

What’s Drill?

2 years ago, OR ONE DAY AGO, i would said “Drill is an art” That’s my usual quote on Drill

But, after 20th June 09, i think deeper again.

No.. It’s not only an art..

One of my upset moments in Drill competition is, not able to win as a champion team in National BB PESTA 6 years ago. It was then, our enthusiasm and spirit stayed on.. in year 2004, EPCOM won champion in PSC Drill Competition, i can still remember, it’s a big win.

Thinking back the moment, when all of us hugged one another, wide-smile on faces, congrat one another, the youthful cheers.. Hardly believe, a 5 years gap.. five years.. the length is like from form 1 to form 5.

Because there were numerous of upset followed by after 2004.

8 hours ago in PSC Drill Competition 2009, when emcee announced:” The champion goes to… 8th Penang”

A shout of joys embark almost instantly, we’re not only expressing the joys by shouts and cheers, i saw some.. they didn’t shout, but a pair of watery eyes on their faces to expressed the feelings.

Especially to certain people, that less-than-5mins moment means a lot to them. It’s not a “Happy Hour” that you can experience in supermarket which last for 1 hour.

This blog is specially dedicated to salute those comrades who passionly involves in Drill. You know who you are. Passion makes the impossible possible Without you, we won’t have this moment.. a short moment but meaningful.

“Boys, you guys are great! Remember, be humble and thankful, bring this enthusiasm to your platoon, make them inspired by you. There is none a Drill manual which states that the purpose of Drill is to Win. Always hold tight to the roots, remember to read back Drill manual-the objectives of Drill”

Brothers.. i thank God for given us this chance to share that particular moment together. All that we’ve been through..emm..i know..your tears explain all.

Today, if people ask me again “What is Drill?”

I will answer,

“Drill is still an art, BUT, it is the art of Love, Joys, Friendship, and Unity”

EPians, lets continue to crave for excellence. 

A new chapter awaits..

“Brothers, i don’t regard myself as yet having taken hold, but one thing i do. Forgetting the things which are behind, and stretching forward to the things which are before, i press on toward the goal for the prize of the high calling of God”  (Philip 13:13-14)

“弟 兄 們 ， 我 不 是 以 為 自 己 已 經 得 著 了 ； 我 只 有 一 件 事 ， 就 是 忘 記 背 後 ， 努 力 面 前 的 ， 向 著 標 竿 直 跑 ， 要 得 神 在 基 督 耶 穌 裡 從 上 面 召 我 來 得 的 獎 賞 。(腓 立 比 書 3:13-14)

In the past, there were whispers flowing in the air, filled with rumours and unshareable thoughts. I know it’s rightful not to share it with all of us, because sometimes we are forced by the codes that we have to follow.

To be honest, you’ve inspired me a lot, from the time when i was still a hearty teen until now. Because we all recognize that there are some things that we can learn from you, whether role or knowledges. 

Whatever it is, i believe we will still have chance to serve together if God’s will.

And yeah..

You are still the playmaker when we play captain ball.

Two weeks ago, i met one uncle in Q’s Bay. That time was a peak hour for business, lots of customers came in.

This old man, he gave me a lonesome sense, although he’s friendly and talk with smile, and unlike certain customer who tends to ka-ka-cau-cau. I think he came not because of wanting to buy bedsheets or what.

At first, i served him, since he’s one of the customers. Later on, we end up with a short chat on bedsheet materials.

From there, i sensed that…he’s like an old man who are searching for someone to talk with. He talked to me in a sincere way.

However.

Uncle, i found you suddenly disappeared that day. I wish i can stay there and chat with you longer, but there were customers that i need to serve. We’re short of menpower, it was work that stopped me from continue our conversation. I’m sorry..

No matter how..

I just hope that now you’re fine and loved at home.

Dreams were in vain, evaporate into the air, my vanished hope, still it hurts. And i wake up in the morning, knowing it’s already a history, it’s like i can no longer care.. i know it’s gone, but the disatisfaction stays. Some how, positive thoughts chasing in, healing my feelings and emotions.

Time and time again, negativities seeking in. Things that are supposely own by you, things that you have always longing for, they are resistanceless to fate. A started sem break, was stained at its begining. Motionlessly, i accepted it on that very day. There are just much to learn, to think, to appreciate, to… evaluate.

I know what i deserve, but i really hope i can always fulfill my visions. Everytime when i failed, i was like barely saying “Nevermind, at least i learnt and experienced”

I know the feelings, because i felt it. although i know i should be able to handle it. But hell, can positive thoughts compromise with the feelings? I just know some emotions and feelings are to hard to hide, hide too much may end up with a blow out. I believe, i’m not good at this, so much more to improve.

This sem break isn’t the best yet, i feel thankful that i found a part time job, but seriously i feel it is ’meaningless’ when i think deeper. If it is not because of Mr. C, I would rather spend the time on things that i really wanted to do.

 ”I can still see the light at the end of the tunnel shine,
Through the dark times even when I lose my mind.
But it feels like no one in the world is listenin,
and I can’t ever seem to make the right decisions.
I walk around in the same haze, I’m still caught in my same ways.
I’m losing time in these strange days,
but somehow I always know the right things to say. ”
~ P.O.D

Finally, another sem has just over. I’m back to home.

Things were kinda mess up and tough for the past few months, sem 4 is indeed quite challenging yet still interesting, I’ve strained a lot and learnt a lot also.

I wasn’t allow to blog, and i don’t have the guts to write. I have so much feeling that i wanna tell. 

In this sem, there were numerous chance for me to stray.. you won’t understand it if you don’t know me well. To be honest, there were several times that i choose to stray. However, warnings and hints aren’t invisible in our lives, it appears everyday if you paid attention to it. It just hurt me and ironically i still kept holding my pride.

Alex:”Di Sheng, i feel that you seldom share your problems with friends”

i wouldn’t share it most of the time, probably due to inconveniences and my attitude. I have my hard feelings also, sometimes, i wonder is it because of i give myself too many expectations, i think i am in certain extent, causing me to continue to sprint and didn’t notice those hidden needs that i’ve been yearning for. Take things for granted, all that i can say… We always think that we will spot the treasures again in the next run, as long as we run slower.

In the next round, nah… we won’t obey our promise. Why? Because people are running faster ahead of you, and we’re tempted to go with full speed. Again, we forgot about the treasures that we’re searching for, moreover, the people who cheering for us secretly. Those who loves you, those you wanted to spend more time with and care about them, and those who need your assistance. 

Time and time again, we keep abiding to our unnecessary will, and end up with a vicious circle.

I asked my friends and myself “If you met up with aladin, and he can help to turn back time, back to the begining of year 2009, will you accept?” My answer is i will accept the offer, but… what will i do with it?

Change everything that you found it was bad previously? Score well in every test? To sum up it.. will you continue to be the runner? Or, stop chasing what are ahead of you, they may be people like Bill gates and Paris Hilton, or it may be figures like 3.7, 3.8, 4.0, 1000, 20000, 99999….

Will you? Stop and find the serene and redemption.

Remember, the lap has its end.

31st Dec 2008, 1.02pm:

Gyson: “Tommorow no ECT 200, Ee Teng called Engineering Centre just now and it is comfirmed, we’re going back to penang”

What a joy and relieft for me!! I was very excited and suprised with what he’ve said to me! Because actually i was chatting with friends and complaining about not able to celebrate new year in penang. Hahaha, my heart was instantly filled with happiness. Great!

Immediately, my friends and i held an emergency meeting, to discuss about going back to Penang. 1.30pm, informed my mom and sweet heart about it, “xze xze is coming back too!” 2.15pm, departed from Ulu, the wheather welcomed us with dark clouds and grey sky, the rain wasn’t heavy, but i think every obstruction has been overwhelmed by the joyness of going home. Felt no blockage! Wu hu!

At night, my friends and i went for countdown at Q’s Bay, it’s been long time that i didn’t make my place in such event. I was kinda regret actually when i arrived there, because traffic jam like hell, i parked my car at FTZ phase 2 and walked to the building, quite distant. Besides, there was clouded with people.. i could hardly stay at the entrance. Met up with Ah seng there, an old sch friend of mine. And then my few coursemates who are smart or perhaps lazy, hahaha, they came back earlier than us, probably expected no lecture or intentionly ready for ponteng.

“10, 9 … 3, 2, 1! Happy new year!!” everyone shouted. Nice firework followed in, i was very wishing you would be here with me dear.. what an imperfection for the moment. Anyway, i felt a bit weird with my feeling after that, i guess it’s just a sense of disatisfaction inside of me. A year gone, another just arrived, what have i done in year 2008? Any good and bad memories? Did i own any achievements? Did i do well as a son, as a boyfriend, as a student, and as a servant? It’s hard to deny that we are never enough. 

Well well well, people say: “new year new hope” And i’m really hoping for something will happen, i don’t know what it could be, but i just hope something that is not ordinary will happen, something that will initiate new breakthroughs for everyone.

I need to set my resolution. I predict i can only achieve partialy of the goals in this year. I doubt this shouldn’t be familiar with you right? haha.. we often found that we didn’t fulfill our annual goals at the verge of each year. However, better than none. At least with the aims, it pushes me to continue the track with purposes. Rather than aimlessly standing at one spot.

I’m thankful for everything that is in 2008.

I hope 2009 will be a great year for me. Everyone does right? hahaha..

“Alive? Or just breathing?” ~ I wanna choose “alive”

Sitting at one corner with a blank mind of mine, the air was cold, but i could barely remember… i got to know this guy in a drill training, he’s tall and quiet, his appearance is a good guy type. He’s obedience too, unlike other teenagers who tends to be ‘guai gu’.

I still remember, this guy insisted to attend drill training when he was having “red eyes” sickness. And on the very same day, i was able to recognized his passion. It’s not the passion on drill, but the passion to serve rather than perform.

Yong Xiang, time pass like flash, i have never expect that you will have to leave us, although i believe that we all are gladful that you were chosen to continue your study in Singapore, but you know, things always happen in ironic way. I saw you guys cried, and i saw your waterly eyes too, i know we all will be missing you.

Dear friends, don’t cry.. i know it’s the tears of friendship as a comrade, as a  good friend, or as a Brother. Always remember, our friends and even our family members will leave us one day.. BUT GOD, is with us everyday. Believe that Christ will guide him trough his hard time. And also guide you through the days without him marching together with you. 

Yong Xiang, i prayed that you will continue to grow with guidance from Christ. Always believe that He’s taking the same pace with you whenever you walks.

This is not the first time that i experienced a bro leaving us.. in fact, so many friends left us after youth camp…. from accepted Christ, and turned into lost sheeps. Where are you guys now? I do miss you friends..

I feel very thankful and touched when some boys said “thanks” to me. Although there were times that i got hurt in serving, but i know this road is the narrow one, and slippery, that’s why i shouldn’t expect the journey on the road will be very smooth. Instead, i should expect hard times to come.. it ain’t easy i know, Bro, we need to equip ourselves well.

Never hope that our commitment will return us with glamorous payment, also never hope that even people will say thanks to you… We are here to serve, NOT to PERFORM, or NOT to get the assurance of ability. We should assume that there is no reward for us in life time, but rewards in eternal life.

U-Jeen, Li hong, and Chee hau, it’s hard to believe that we were in the same group in youth camp 4 years ago, because now you all are already a mature leader! Lets continue stay firm and shoulder one another in serving.

My holiday is going to end, and i need to ready my heart for this coming semester. I hope this time will be different.. i don’t want it to be in an ordinary way.

“Life’s short, but life’s great”

Wake up early in this morning, muscle aches all over my body, it’s been long time that i didn’t exercise - the root cause. My mom laughed me for being old-at-young-age. It’s right that we should spend some time for sports, in order to keep your health in good shape. But nowadays, people are getting busy with work, academic and… it’s hard to arrange the time for every single stuff. Plan a timetable? yea… i know, but i don’t want to be “machinarised” by the planned time table. 

It’s december now, and i really had a fruitful holiday(so far). December is always full of joys and meaningful moments. Last 3 weeks, Mok, Menggo, John, The, OTS and i were all busy for preparing Life Game, in a blink of eyes, my holiday still left 10 days. Another semester is going to start soon, and i really wish i can lower down the priority of academic.. i think i have always been concern much about my academic performance, sometimes i feel i have lost my focus and chasing the worldy fames. [Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 1John 2:13]

This sem break seems short to me, but this sem break is great. Spend time with family, Xze Xze and friends, Lifegame, youth camp, and…hunting for penang hawker foolds, yea! hahaha.

Dear LIG teammates, i thank God that we’re given the chance to serve Him together. You guys are great, may God bless you all!

Youth camp is coming up next, i pray that everyone will get touched by God’s love, especially in this Christmas season. Let us not forget, Christmas is all about Him, not about parties and celebrations.

Honestly, if the sem break is longer, it would be nicer.. But good time never last long.. life is short, it depends on how we make our lives meaningful. So…to live longer? Or to live a meaningful life? And which one is in our control?

We won’t know how long is our lives, but something that is under our control is, we can choose to live a better way of life. 

24 hours per day, sometimes i watch time slipping away, and i can’t stop myself from wander.. Did i spent time in the right way? It’s hard to believe that my nearly-2-weeks holiday is going to mark its full stop on tomorrow afternoon.

New case for laptop, thanks to the crack, that caused me to renew the case through warranty, too bad i wasn’t allowed to extend the warranty, Luck only appear once in a century. When i found that my laptop’s LCD case was cracked, i felt quite worry and no-mood, i immediately called susu to check whether got any part time jobs during holiday, so that i can earn some $ for changing my laptop case. Lucky enough, susu found one for me, serve as sampling promoter for 4 days. 2 days later, i took my laptop to service center, thanks God, under warranty… Good. I must taking good care of it from now onwards… I was always blamming myself for not taking care of it, as my laptop looked really old, because i seldom wipe out the dust and dirt. Somemore, too lazy to do this maintainance job. hahaha. Anyway, that was the past. New start for me…yea.. remind me my friends, if you found i didn’t treat it nicely.

It was quite a fruitful holiday week for me, as i was giving part time job to do, spend time compiling LIG thingys, spend time with family, play counter with my younger bro, lepak with xze xze, and old friends as well.(keep accidently met my friends..hahaha) At least, laksa, char koay teow, fried oyster, air itam kari mee, sushi king and many more…! i had it all before i leave. Nice… 

However, my assignments progress were dragged.. perhaps my academic stuffs were pushed aside by me. I told my coursemates: “Holiday must study liao” Hmm, seems like it’s just another empty talk from me. Thinking, is it because of time was limited? Or i day dreaming a lot?

I made my choice to write this blog instead of doing assignments, because probably i will not have the mood to write blog when back to sch. Furthermore, my koleg internet connection slow like snail. It will only spoil my mood to watch the loading bar increase slowly per min. Improvement is hardly see… Or am i just too hasty to see changes? So many weakness that in fact we can easily improve it, but i don’t know why some authorities just treat it as inevitable weakness. It’s such a dissapointment for person like me,

Sometimes i wish i have 48 hours per day.. so many things that i wish i can do, so many things that i wish that i can learn, so many people that i really wish that i can spend my time with, so many things i wish that i can make it better if i was given addtional time. Plenty of many’s, i labelled myself as greedy Actually, i found that my strength is weaken, may be i’m forced to away from BB most of the time, and not much roam is provided for me to practice skills like planning, organizing, managing team/event. I found that my abilities are not as strong as before. To be serious, i feel hard to be satisfied… whether the result or my performance. Now i feel the feeling is too complicated for me to describe.

I don’t know why my words are always dark and gloom. Reading back my blogs, i feel so. i wasn’t meant to, just because to me.. writing blogs is a way for me to express my feelings and thoughts. Personality analysis stated that i’m a person who prefer writing more than speaking. I’m an introvert. There are just many thoughts in my mind, i feel struggle too when starting a blog. Because, i’m afraid that i may end up writing a blog without links among the paragraphs. 

okay, enough of mumbling. Wanna finish my assignments. See ya!